Monochrome: 41

Finn sat at the table in his apartment, his head in his palms, staring at the wood grain. Bianca sat in a chair across from him, a cup of coffee in her hands.

“I just… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t talk about this with you when… what happened with us… but I don’t know who to talk to. I don’t think Gavin would have anything helpful to say,” Finn said, sliding one of his hands off of his head. He turned his head to look at Bianca. “What do you think…?”

“Well, it does seem like you’re in love,” she said, smiling.

“Yeah…? Gavin thought I was for a while, I guess…”

“So did I,” Bianca said, taking a sip from her cup.

“What? So am I the last one to figure it out?” Finn asked, exasperated.

“Well, I don’t think Kieran knows.”

“Really?” Finn asked, his tone perking up. He calmed down and said, “Actually, I’m not sure if I’m relieved by that.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, what if he finds out, and he hates me or something?”

“I don’t think he’ll hate you,” Bianca said, her smile a little wider.

“Okay, but like… what if it got weird between us…? Ugh… I feel sick thinking about it.”

“Hey, hey, calm down. I’m sure it won’t turn out as bad as you think.”

“Shit,” Finn mumbled, setting his head down on his arm. “How did I not realize…?”

“You’ve never been in love before. You said so, yourself.”

“Yeah, but, still… it seems… so obvious, now,” he said, turning his head to face down. His breath bounced off the table and back at him.

“I’ve never seen you act so shy,” Bianca said.

“I don’t… know how to act. My thoughts are all jumbled. I feel sort of frustrated and happy and afraid.”

“Yes, that sounds about right.”

“What do I do? Do I tell him? Do I wait…? Or…?”

“I think you should tell him.”

“Are you sure?” Finn asked, picking his head up. “I don’t know. I don’t think I could handle that. I feel like my chest is going to explode, just thinking about it.”

“Do it when you’re ready,” she said. “I know you can do it.”

“You think? I don’t know.”

“What happened to your usual confidence?”

Finn stared at the table again.

“I don’t really know…”