Monochrome: 35

“Well, that went pretty fast,” Finn said.

“Yeah, I didn’t have to bring much; Liadan’s letting me keep my other stuff in there for the next month. She’s cut me a lot of breaks on this…” Kieran said, poking through a cardboard box.

“That’s alright. She wouldn’t do it if she couldn’t.”

“Yeah.”

“I hope you don’t mind the crappy inflatable bed.”

“Haha, it’s fine. I’ve slept on worse. Like… the floor.”

“You don’t seem to take very good care of yourself.”

“I was never concerned about that,” Kieran said. He looked at Finn, who seemed disappointed. “Hey, I said ‘was’.”

“I just… don’t see why you hate yourself.”

“There… are a lot of reasons.”

Finn sat down beside Kieran.

“Are you okay talking about it?” Finn asked.

“…yeah. I can give it a shot,” Kieran said, picking up a pencil case. He turned it in his hands. “I feel like… I’m not any good. I’m a screw-up. I’ve got too difficult of a personality. Like I’ve messed up my whole life, and I’m just going to keep going downhill until I finally end up killing myself. I’m… kind of afraid of myself.”

“Hey, come on. I thought you said you were done with that?”

“It’s… a work in progress.”

“Now you’ve got me worried again.”

“I’m… sorry,” Kieran said, wincing. “I’ve just… been like this for years. It’s hard to change.”

“I know. I’m glad that you’re trying, though.”

“Yeah.”

“Anyways, I get how you feel, but… I think if you try to be at least a little more confident, you can really make a positive change in your life.”

“Yeah. I’ll do that.”

“Oh, also, I wanted to ask… if it’s okay… what about that person you said you liked?”

Kieran remained silent for a moment, absently fumbling with the pencil case in his hands. He took a deep breath an exhaled.

“That’s… it’s…” he said, trailing off. He shut his eyes, then opened them. “That’s not a problem, anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can accept that I am alone in my feelings. That’s fine. I don’t need anything more. As long as they’re happy.”

“That must be tough. Are you sure?”

“Yes. It… is tough. But, I’m okay with it, now,” Kieran said, tossing the pencil case back into the cardboard box. “Anyways, let’s talk about something else.”

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Errr, I dunno. What’s… stuff you like…? I guess?”

“Hahaha, well, obviously I like books.”

“Yeah, you have… kind of a lot of them,” Kieran said, poking at a bookcase beside him. “Do you write or something?”

“Ah, yeah. Non-fiction. Book reviews, articles, stuff like that. I post them on my blog.”

“…what’s a blog?”

“It’s like… okay, it’s like a journal that you can post on the internet for people to read.”

“…why would you do that?”

“Well, mine’s not literally a journal. It’s just a series of reviews. You can get feedback from people, and you can get more reception. They have stuff like that for art, too.”

“Huh. Interesting.”

“It’s so weird to me that you don’t use computers.”

“They’re a bit expensive.”

“Yeah, just, most people our age do.”

“Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Just uncommon. If you ever want to try using my computer, you can.”

“Alright.”

“Okay,” Finn said, standing up. “I’m gonna make some food. How’s pizza?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“What do you want on it? Mushrooms? Peppers?”

“Anything’s fine.”