Monochrome: 17B

The cold metal of the gun between Kieran’s warm hands only added to his anxiety. There was nothing good about it, and it pronounced the sharp contrast of the thoughts flowing through his head. He couldn’t stop moving his hands, in some way, or else he’d feel like he had made a decision. Now was not a time for decisions.

His hands sweat, and his breathing intensified. He didn’t know where to focus his eyes, so he shut them. He didn’t like the dark, so he opened them. He brought a hand to his face, pressing firmly. He sighed.

Why am I like this?

He stared at the object in his hands. He could feel its weight.

Make a choice.

The door opened, suddenly, and he heard a voice. He quickly looked up. It was Finn.

“What are you doing…?” he asked.

Shit. Shit shit shit. Now he thinks there’s something wrong with you.

“Oh, this… doesn’t work,” he started. He searched his head for an excuse. “It’s for art reference.”

Finn continued to stare. He doesn’t believe me.

“Really. It’s not even loaded and the safety’s on,” Kieran added, turning the gun to show the empty magazine slot. That much is true, anyways. I wouldn’t load it.

Finn was unchanged.

“I’ll get rid of it, if you want.”

“Yeah.”

He stood up, and thought of where to put it. The storage closet. With the other props. He slid open the door and tossed it in.

“There.”

Silence.

“…what’s up?” he asked, awkwardly.

“I wanted to tell you, I‘m sorry. I had no right barging in here like this while you were out,” Finn apologized.

Not this…

“Ahh… yeah…” Kieran got out. He couldn’t look at Finn, so he looked at the floor.

“Your paintings are great, though. You’re like… professional-level, you know? You could definitely make a living off of them.”

What?

“Eh? Thanks… you don’t think they’re weird?”

“Huh? No,” Finn answered. “They do seem a bit sad, though.”

Kieran said nothing. He doesn’t know? He didn’t notice? He remembered something, and picked up the bag on the floor.

“…by the way, you left this here?”

“Oh, that’s for you.”

He looked in the bag and pulled out the sketchbook. A sketchbook? Oh, it was my birthday two days ago. How did he know that?

“…how did you know it was my birthday?”

“Liadan said it was in the middle of January. I got the day right?”

“Yeah… thanks, Finn.”

Finn smiled and said, “Hey, that’s the first time you said my name!”

Kieran’s heart sped up a bit. Shit... I don’t think I’m getting over this, any time soon.

“…yeah.”