Monday, March 9, 2009

Lenny's Journal

Entry 1:
My name is Leonard Bean. No one understands me. Everyone at school makes fun of me because I wear butterfly wings and antennae. I am a butterfly! I don’t care what anyone else says! I know I am right. I lost one of my favorite CD’s today. Then I couldn’t find my razor blade. Puppy peed on my carpet. This is the worst day ever.
Entry 2:
Gothic Dan laughed at me for saying “frisblee” instead of “frisbee.” I can’t believe him. He always does this to me. I make one little mistake and he’s all over me for it. I hate him. He’s such a stupid jerk. And why does everybody like him?! I’m way cooler than he is! And you know what else? My mother thinks I’m fat! I can’t believe her! She accused me of eating her food. She doesn’t even care about me. No one does.
Entry 3:
Today, at school, Biff punched me in the face so hard that my nose broke. Dan didn’t even do anything to help me. He just complained that I got blood on his pants. I can’t believe him. God! Everyone hates me! It’s not fair! I was just trying to defend Green Day, and I get punched in the face! Biff should be the one in the hospital for severe blood loss! Not me! Nobody understands me!
Entry 4:
I hate hospital food. I hate food. Eating is stupid.
Entry 5:
It’s been a week since Biff broke my nose. I don’t have to wear anything anymore. But, get this. Today, I run over to Megan to say hello. She opens her locker, and I run face-first into it. My nose broke again and I have to go to the hospital again. My life is awful.
Entry 6:
Really. I hate food.
Entry 7:
My mother grounded me. This isn’t fair. So what if I tried to kill myself?! I can’t die anyways. Why am I so cursed?! It’s not my fault my iPod broke. Dan and I were going to go to the movies, too. They’re showing a new Tim Burton movie. Now I won’t get to see it. Life is so unfair.
Entry 8:
Mrs. Android Space Commander Galaxia made fun of me during Space Latin today. She’s so cruel. Why should I care about astroverbs if I’m suffering from heartbreak?! I fell in love again, though. But she’s taken. It’s so awful. Fate mocks me! And another thing! Dan didn’t put me in his top eight on MySpace! I hate him! Arghhhh!
Entry 9:
Marvin is an idiot. His plans never work. Now everyone hates me even more. I wish I wasn’t immortal. I never get what I want.
Entry 10:
I hate Puppy. Stupid dog. All he ever does is pee on me. I thought he was worried about me. I bet he just wanted food. He only comes to me if he wants food. How can a dog that small possibly eat that much?! Food isn’t even good! His is probably worse!
Entry 11:
I’m so excited! I got a brand new iPod today! It’s so awesome! I just love how Apple designs their products. So cool-looking. I can’t wait to show everyone.
Entry 12:
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN! This is just RIDICULOUS! Right when I get my new iPod, they release a brand new model the next day! How can they possibly get away with that! It’s even cheaper, and it holds even more, and it’s NOT FAIR! Steve Jobs is a jerk! And what’s with that stupid shiny white plastic they use anyways?! It’s so lame and gimmicky! Everyone who has an iPod is a stupid poser!
Entry 13:
I am so angry! I hate absolutely everyone! I went out to the store and bought a Nintendo Wii, along with Zelda. I play for a few hours, then I get up to go to the bathroom. And someone calls me on the phone. It’s a prank phone call, and it’s Dan! I can’t believe he would do that to me! If that wasn’t enough, I get back to my room and Chester’s there. He EXPLODED my Wii! I don’t even understand how he could have possibly done that, but he did it! I hate him so much! He’s a little IDIOT! I hate my life!
Entry 14:
I’m in love! Totally in love! I met this girl the other day, she’s so amazing! I’ve learned about her. She likes cats, comic books, video games, purple, and she is so pretty. She is totally awesome. I told Dan about her, and he claimed I was a stalker. I am not a stalker! I am a feminine enthusiast! There is a difference! Dan doesn’t know anything. He thinks love is making out with a drunk girl at a kegger. True love is beyond his comprehension!
Entry 15:
I spilled some milk on the floor. Oh my god!
Entry 16:
I had the worst nightmare last night. The whole world turned into candy. Ugh. I couldn’t even make a proper noose, since all the rope was licorice. I would never want to live in Candy Land.
Entry 17:
I tried to join the League of Extraordinary Emos today. They burned my poetry. I cried for an hour. Donovan is a stupid jerk and I hate him.
Entry 18:
I hate everyone. My band played the talent show; we were booed off the stage. Then Donovan plays Guitar Hero, and everyone loves him. Life isn’t fair.

No comments: