My name is Leonard Bean. No one understands me. Everyone at school makes fun of me because I wear butterfly wings and antennae. I am a butterfly! I don’t care what anyone else says! I know I am right. I lost one of my favorite CD’s today. Then I couldn’t find my razor blade. Puppy peed on my carpet. This is the worst day ever.
Gothic Dan laughed at me for saying “frisblee” instead of “frisbee.” I can’t believe him. He always does this to me. I make one little mistake and he’s all over me for it. I hate him. He’s such a stupid jerk. And why does everybody like him?! I’m way cooler than he is! And you know what else? My mother thinks I’m fat! I can’t believe her! She accused me of eating her food. She doesn’t even care about me. No one does.
Today, at school, Biff punched me in the face so hard that my nose broke. Dan didn’t even do anything to help me. He just complained that I got blood on his pants. I can’t believe him. God! Everyone hates me! It’s not fair! I was just trying to defend Green Day, and I get punched in the face! Biff should be the one in the hospital for severe blood loss! Not me! Nobody understands me!
I hate hospital food. I hate food. Eating is stupid.
It’s been a week since Biff broke my nose. I don’t have to wear anything anymore. But, get this. Today, I run over to Megan to say hello. She opens her locker, and I run face-first into it. My nose broke again and I have to go to the hospital again. My life is awful.
Really. I hate food.
My mother grounded me. This isn’t fair. So what if I tried to kill myself?! I can’t die anyways. Why am I so cursed?! It’s not my fault my iPod broke. Dan and I were going to go to the movies, too. They’re showing a new Tim Burton movie. Now I won’t get to see it. Life is so unfair.
Mrs. Android Space Commander Galaxia made fun of me during Space Latin today. She’s so cruel. Why should I care about astroverbs if I’m suffering from heartbreak?! I fell in love again, though. But she’s taken. It’s so awful. Fate mocks me! And another thing! Dan didn’t put me in his top eight on MySpace! I hate him! Arghhhh!
Marvin is an idiot. His plans never work. Now everyone hates me even more. I wish I wasn’t immortal. I never get what I want.
I hate Puppy. Stupid dog. All he ever does is pee on me. I thought he was worried about me. I bet he just wanted food. He only comes to me if he wants food. How can a dog that small possibly eat that much?! Food isn’t even good! His is probably worse!
I’m so excited! I got a brand new iPod today! It’s so awesome! I just love how Apple designs their products. So cool-looking. I can’t wait to show everyone.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN! This is just RIDICULOUS! Right when I get my new iPod, they release a brand new model the next day! How can they possibly get away with that! It’s even cheaper, and it holds even more, and it’s NOT FAIR! Steve Jobs is a jerk! And what’s with that stupid shiny white plastic they use anyways?! It’s so lame and gimmicky! Everyone who has an iPod is a stupid poser!
I am so angry! I hate absolutely everyone! I went out to the store and bought a Nintendo Wii, along with Zelda. I play for a few hours, then I get up to go to the bathroom. And someone calls me on the phone. It’s a prank phone call, and it’s Dan! I can’t believe he would do that to me! If that wasn’t enough, I get back to my room and Chester’s there. He EXPLODED my Wii! I don’t even understand how he could have possibly done that, but he did it! I hate him so much! He’s a little IDIOT! I hate my life!
I’m in love! Totally in love! I met this girl the other day, she’s so amazing! I’ve learned about her. She likes cats, comic books, video games, purple, and she is so pretty. She is totally awesome. I told Dan about her, and he claimed I was a stalker. I am not a stalker! I am a feminine enthusiast! There is a difference! Dan doesn’t know anything. He thinks love is making out with a drunk girl at a kegger. True love is beyond his comprehension!
I spilled some milk on the floor. Oh my god!
I had the worst nightmare last night. The whole world turned into candy. Ugh. I couldn’t even make a proper noose, since all the rope was licorice. I would never want to live in Candy Land.
I tried to join the League of Extraordinary Emos today. They burned my poetry. I cried for an hour. Donovan is a stupid jerk and I hate him.
I hate everyone. My band played the talent show; we were booed off the stage. Then Donovan plays Guitar Hero, and everyone loves him. Life isn’t fair.
New year, new Drawing -
4 weeks ago